


Namesake

by KaptainKnuts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Recovery, physical comfort, temporary break-up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaptainKnuts/pseuds/KaptainKnuts
Summary: When Lily Luna begins questioning her father on why she was named after her Aunt Luna, he tells her the tale of how one young women saved him during one of the darkest times of his life. Post DH. Canon Compliant. H/G & H/L (no tri-pairing) Rated for mature themes and possible lemons.





	1. Prologue

Godric's Hollow, December 23, 2022

Harry sat in his favorite armchair in his personal study, staring out the window. The sky was beginning to grow dark as the sun slowly set on the horizon. A draft managed to creep its way into the room from outside, sending a light chill down his spine. Usually the brisk air didn't affect him as much, but this year had turned out to be a particularly frigid one.

He glanced over to the many photos adorning his desk. There were pictures of him, Ron, and Hermione, one from his wedding day, and many of him and his family having a fun time. He smiled lightly as he recalled the many memories that the pictures brought forth.

As his eyes wandered he settled on one picture in general. He had a photo of each of his three children before they boarded the train to start school. Each of the kids despised their pictures because they would find him reminiscing about those times when they were home on holiday.

Today however, his eyes were drawn to the picture of his only daughter, Lily Luna, his mind wandering back to a conversation he had with her on the very day the picture was taken.

_ **Flashback** _

_He stood alongside the scarlet train, nearly 20 years after his first trip on it, about to send his youngest child off for her first year at Hogwarts._

_There was something bittersweet about it, since it would be the last first year for his children. Even though he felt the weight of this occasion, his children didn't understand its magnitude yet and continued about their day like they did every first day of school._

_Ahead of him, Harry could tell that his daughter wasn't as confident as she appeared on the outside, her body locked in place at the sight of the Hogwarts Express, her expression saying that she was trying to solve something. He stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders reassuringly._

" _Nervous?" Lily turned her head towards her father and for the first time in a long time, Harry took the time to simply look at his daughter._

_Much like her brother Albus, she inherited much of her appearance from Harry's side of the family. In fact, she looked like the spitting image of the late Lily Potter, including her fiery-red hair, with the exception of her eyes._

_Looking into her eyes, Harry's mind began to wander to times right after the war, to quite possibly the most difficult time of his life._

' _Everyone needs to be saved sometimes.'_

_He broke from his reverie when his daughter finally responded. "Maybe a little. I feel more excited than nervous." She looked back at the train, this time her gaze landing on her older siblings, her expression still contemplative._

" _What's on your mind sweetheart?"_

_A blush quickly formed on her cheeks when she realized that her father had figured out that something was wrong. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to find the words to voice her concern. Her brow furrowed for a moment before she turned back towards her father._

" _It's just that… Jamie's named after the two men who you saw as your father," she paused for a second, her father's nod of the head enough of a prompting for her to continue, "and you told Al before his first year that you named him after two headmasters who you said were incredibly brave." Again Harry nodded his head, not completely grasping where his daughter was going. "I know I get my name from my grandmother but I can't help but wonder…why name me after Aunt Luna?"_

_Her question caught Harry completely off-guard, his mouth opening and closing like his daughter's had earlier as he tried to formulate his response._

" _She's one of your mother's and I's best friends growing up. Does there need to be more of a reason than that?"_

_His daughter however, could not be deterred. "Then why not name me after Aunt Mione? Wasn't she one of your best friends growing up?"_

_Harr chuckled lightly in exasperation. He should've known that his daughter would easily be deflected from her questions. He glanced once again in her eyes, almost breaking and telling his daughter all that had happened after the war, but decided against it at the last minute._

" _Your right, it's more than just that she was our friend. Your Aunt Luna helped me out during one of the darkest moments of my life."_

_His daughter's eyes widened, making her protuberant eyes appear even larger than they already were. "Really? How did she help you?"_

" _I'll tell you when you get a little older. Now, you need to get on the train before you miss your first day at Hogwarts."_

_Lily knew that her father was still trying to dodge her questions but after looking at the clock on a nearby pillar, decided that he was right and decided to drop the issue all together._

" _Alright daddy," she threw her arms around her father's neck as she saw that her mother had finished with her brothers, "I love you daddy."_

" _I love you too, pumpkin," he replied before kissing her on the cheek. She released her grip on her father and did the same to her mother before boarding the train._

_Harry and Ginny stood there waiting for the train to depart, seeing Lily find a compartment on their side, before waving to them again once it began moving. He continued waving for several moments, until all that could be seen of the train was the smoke as it ran over the horizon_

_**Flashback End** _

He was broke from his thoughts by the thunderous sound of footsteps coming from the front of the house. Today was the first day of the Christmas Holiday for Hogwarts, so now all his children would be home for two weeks.

Stepping out into the hallway, he received hugs from both of his boys, who excitedly made their ways to their rooms. At the end of the hallway stood Lily, still very much the image of his mother. Readying himself for what was about to come, he opened his arms for his daughter.

"Welcome home Lily," he said wrapping his arms around his daughter.

"Thanks dad." They both made their way back into the study. It had become something of a tradition between the two of them, that they would spend much of the first night of the holiday talking about the events of the year.

They chatted idly for several minutes before Harry decided it was time.

"Lily, you remember your first trip on the Hogwarts Express?"

"Yes?" began his daughter initially confused at his question.

"Do you remember what you asked me before you boarded the train?"

Her brows furrowed for several moments as she wracked her brain for the information. Finally, her eyes lit up once she found the memory. "Yeah. I asked why I was named after Aunt Luna and you said you would tell me when I was older."

Harry nodded his head before taking a deep breath to prepare himself, "Well, I think it's time that I told you about what happened after the war and your Aunt Luna's part in it."


	2. Chapter 1

Light poured in through the blinds of the bedroom at Grimmauld Place, jostling Harry from his not so decent night’s sleep. He tried to fight back against his rising consciousness, but the battle wouldn’t be one, and he prepared himself to have to deal with another day. Without opening his eyes, he tried to find his glasses on his nightstand, accidently knocking over a few potion vials in the process.

He audibly groaned at the mess he would surely have to clean up if he ever wanted to get out of bed that morning. He was beginning to wonder why he even tried to take those potions anymore. It had been weeks since the last time that his supply of Dreamless Sleep potions had any effect on preventing his nightly nightmares, to the point where he was simply taking them now out of habit instead of for any relief.

With his glasses, firmly on his face, he grabbed his wand and vanished away the broken glass on his floor, before haphazardly throwing on the first pieces of clothing he could get his hands on before getting up and starting his day. Unless he was on duty as an Auror, his days were mostly spent keeping to himself inside his godfather’s house.  

Occasionally, he would find his way to the Burrow, which was slowly becoming less common once Ron and Hermione had gotten a small apartment together, otherwise he kept to himself at Grimmauld place, his only visitors were Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. Even then, with Ron being an Auror alongside him and Hermione having an entrance job in the Department for the Regulation of Magical Creatures, most days he only saw Ginny.

Despite the pressure of seeing Ron and Hermione living together, Harry and Ginny had yet to make that commitment for different reasons. For a long time after the war, Ginny wanted to be close to her family after the loss of Fred. Harry on the other hand, was working so much that he spent very little time at his own house.

As soon as he was dressed he Floo’d to the Ministry. Once inside he made his way quickly to the lifts so that he could make it to the DMLE as quickly as possible so that he could avoid as many of the stares that would follow him as possible. Even after nearly two years since Voldemort’s demise, many of the Wizarding public were still awestruck by the sight of him, something that annoyed him greatly even to this day.

Once he made it to his floor, he made his way to his office in the department, a small cubicle that happened to be seated right next to Ron’s; not that he saw him frequently since Harry took every opportunity to do field work, while Ron would usually find more official work or as he liked to call it, ‘easy work’. He planned to follow his regular routine, which consisted of sitting at his desk only long enough to see if he was summoned for one reason or another, before approaching the main desk to see if there were any calls that needed attending to. That was his plan, until a memo flew to his desk, asking him to meet with the Head Auror Andrews.

Harry begrudgingly got up from his seat and made his way to Andrews’ office. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the man, it was just that he was slightly difficult to work with. Jacob Andrews was the first Head Auror to be appointed after the end of the war. Due to his appointment during the first major time of peace that the Wizarding world had had in a long time, he seemed too laid back for someone of his position.

He opened the door to the office and was reminded of another reason he disliked Andrews, the man was very full of himself. Nearly every inch of his office was covered some award or another that he had won during his time in the corps. What was a little over the top was the fact that he seemed to have also hung up every news article he was mentioned in, every picture taken of him a Ministry functions, and other paraphernalia of the sort scattered and place all around the office.

Seeing that the older wizard was facing the opposite wall, Harry decided to just take a seat in front of his desk and wait for his superior to either realize he was there, or acknowledge his presence. This went on for a few minutes before Andrews turned around and began talking to Harry.

Andrews was a slightly larger than average man, mostly due to his increased muscle mass. As Head Auror he opted to wear minimalist robes despite forcing all other Aurors to wear their full traditional uniform, as well as sporting a recently shaved goatee on his face. If it wasn’t for the fact that Harry knew he was out of practice from not being out on the field as frequently, Harry would’ve honestly been intimidated by him.

“It’s good to see you Auror Potter. I’ve heard about how you handled the muggle baiting incident in muggle London last week.”

Harry grinned despite himself. He knew that even though Andrews was a good enough person, he hated when other people received recognition over himself, and the fact that he complimented Harry brought a special kind of joy.

“It was nothing sir. All that was needed were a few Memory Charms and some minor disciplinary actions to resolve the situation it was nothing.”

“Nothing!” Andrews shouted suddenly, catching Harry off-guard. “To most Aurors that would be nothing, but you Potter that certainly isn’t nothing.” He stood up and began pacing behind his desk, no longer looking in Harry’s direction.

“Pardon me sir, but what do you mean by it being me?”

“You are one of the hardest working Aurors that the Ministry has ever seen, not since the first war. You are constantly out on the field trying to make the world a better place and for that myself, the Ministry, and Magical Britain owe you a lot of thanks.” Harry had yet to see what the whole point of this conversation was.

“Some might even as far as to say that you’re too committed.” This caused Harry to stiffen. He now knew that this was the same song and dance as happened every month. Andrews would try and convince him to take time off and Harry would refuse. If he were being honest, the whole thing was starting to get annoying.

“I’ve talked with a few mind healers at St. Mungo’s, and we agree that you need to take time off Potter from the force.”

“I’m fine sir, I don’t need any time off.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Potter. What you call minor disciplinary actions is official called an unnecessary firefight between yourself and three individuals who at best would’ve only received a fine.”

“I thought they were pulling their wands on me.”

“All the more reason for you to take time off. You’re paranoid Potter and it’s clear to myself and the healers that you’re still dealing with the after effects of the war. You’ve refused treatment since day one on the force and now it’s effecting your ability to do your job.”

Harry was about to respond but was cut off before he could get a word in. “No buts Potter. I’m afraid I’m forced to suspend you until a time when you are capable enough to return work.” His words rang out with finality, as Andrews sat down and returned to looking at his various accomplishments on the wall behind him. Harry was seething internally but knew that there was nothing he could do. Resigning himself, Harry stood up from his seat and began making his way back to his office to grab his things before heading home.

The silence and stillness inside Grimmauld Place felt like a chokehold was strangling him as he sat in his own home. It had only been 3 weeks since his suspension and it wasn’t getting any easier.

He had spent time at St. Mungo’s during this time speaking with a Mind Healer. At first, he was going to these sessions so that he could get back to work as quickly as possible, but after one week, he realized that that wouldn’t happen until the healer thought that he was getting better. It was another week later that he felt he wasn’t getting anywhere with his treatment and abruptly left.

Since then he mostly kept to inside Grimmauld Place, wallowing in his own self-pity. He couldn’t go out because all he saw was the chaos of the outside world, and now that he was unable to do anything about it he didn’t wish to face it all, despite how stifling his house was.

Ron and Hermione had come by often the first few days to keep him company, which had been one of the only saving graces he had, besides Ginny’s daily visits. As it got closer to a week into his departure, the pair were unable to come by as often, only able to visit every four or five or so and even then, they were only able to stay for an hour or two.

He heard the front door open as a smile broke out on his face, or rather as big of a smile as he could muster due to his somber attitude, at the arrival of his girlfriend Ginny. Since he was forced home, Ginny had taken to spending most of her time with him instead of with her parents and Harry couldn’t help but be thankful for it. Her presence was the only ray of light on his otherwise bleak outlook as of late.

As she entered the room, he couldn’t help but notice a familiar grimace on her face, which caused him to frown slightly. The last couple of days, she maintained a similar expression on her face, but would quickly mask it once she encountered Harry. He knew something was bothering her but decided to wait it out to see if she would open up to him.

Little did he know that this was the day that she would tell him what was wrong with her, but his first clue was the fact that she decided to sit on the couch in front of him instead of sitting beside him like she usually did. She was also wringing her hands her hands nervously; whatever it was, it was obviously bothering her a lot.

“What’s wrong Ginny?” She smiled at him, but to him it seemed a little forced.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something Harry. Something that’s going to change everything.”

Harry schooled his features to a more neutral expression, while internally he was hastily going through every possible scenario that could have her so worked up, the longer he thought about it, the worse each idea got.

“I’ve been struggling with how to tell you about this. I’m still not sure what the best way is, but I’ve decided that it’s better to just get it over with.” She paused, gathering herself while taking a deep breath before for the first time since she entered the house, looked up into Harry’s eyes.

“I’ve made been made a starter for the Harpies.”

Harry felt immensely proud of her for this. Shortly after finishing her last year of school, Ginny had tried out as Chaser for the Holyhead Harpies. At first, she was just on the practice squad, before moving up to the reserve team after 6 months. For a while she had voiced her concern that she wasn’t going anywhere with her Quidditch career, but now it seemed like those fears were a moot point.

“That’s great Ginny!” He could tell that something was still bothering her, and judging by the way she’d been acting the last few days, he knew that that wasn’t all she had to say.

“They want me on the team immediately so I’m going to have to go to training so that we can be ready for this season.” Realization dawned on Harry. They both knew that this was a possibility that she could make the team and must travel almost constantly with the team, but he had forgotten about it since his suspension. Of course, it would come at one of the worst times.

 “How long?”

“My contract is for three years. Until then, I won’t be home much, mostly for holidays,” she paused as she tried to find the right words to say. “I’m sorry Harry.”

“No,” Harry said suddenly, not wanting for her to feel guilty, “You’ve wanted this for such a long time. You shouldn’t drop your dreams just because of me.” She gave him a watery smile, as his hand cupped her cheek and wiped away the tears that were starting to fall from her eyes. “I’ll wait for you- “

“I can’t ask that from you. I know I said the same thing three years ago, and even though I can’t understand exactly what you went through, but I understand the sentiment. I’m sorry that this is happening, especially since you’re trying to heal, but I couldn’t put it off any longer.”

Harry uttered a barely audible scoff at the healing comment. He still felt that he was fine enough to continue working but until he could ‘heal’ he knew that he was a long way off from returning as an Auror.

“In three years, we’ll see, but I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me. Especially since I don’t know what will happen.”

She stood up suddenly walking back towards the entrance way. Harry was still sat still, his hand still raised as if he was still holding her cheek. She gave a sniffle before whispering a quiet “Goodbye Harry,” before walking out the front door and out of Harry’s life.

For the next two months, Harry became even more of a recluse, to the point that even Ron and Hermione had difficulty reaching him. He didn’t blame Ginny for wanting to further her career, but he couldn’t help the crushing sadness that he felt day in and day out. He now understood how she felt when he was off hunting Horcruxes and even though he still felt that that was the right thing to do, he felt bad about putting Ginny into that kind of position.

The similarities between the two situations didn’t escape Harry’s mind. Both times Harry felt that Ginny was it for him and couldn’t deny the possibility that she could move on, despite this time it being her that was leaving.

Today seemed like another day stifling day inside of Grimmauld Place until he heard a knock at his front door. He was puzzled by this, most people who came by Floo’d in, the only person who liked to use the front door was Ginny but he knew that it couldn’t be her.

He got up and answered the door and was surprised by who he found on the other side

“Luna?”

When he opened the door, it came to Harry’s attention that it was raining outside. It had been a long time since he had ventures out his own front door. He overcame his initial surprise once he reminded himself that Luna was out in the rain, though it appeared as though it didn’t bother her.

“What are you doing her Luna? Come in you must be soaked.”

She gave him a sad smile before coming inside. As Harry graciously cast a Drying Charm for her, he came to another realization that even though he had seen Luna Scared, angry, and most often happy, couldn’t recall a time when he had actually noticed she was sad. Even during her imprisonment at Malfoy Manor, there was fear in her eyes but she had somehow managed to remain surprisingly optimistic.

“I’m sorry for showing up unannounced Harry but…I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”

He stared at her questioningly for several moments before realizing that she was carrying what appeared to be several overnight bags. He mentally cursed Andrews for suspending him for what seemed like the thousandth time; his perceptiveness had worsened during his forced time off and he couldn’t help but feel another bout of self-loathing at his own misfortune. Remembering that Luna was there snapped him out of his thoughts, turning his concerned eyes to her.

“What’s wrong Luna?”

“Daddy had to go to St. Mungo’s”, she began with a sniffle. She quickly tried to wipe away the idle tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, and Harry couldn’t help but admire the woman in front him for her strength, his earlier thoughts being dashed away for concern towards her. He directed her towards the kitchen and decided that he would make her a cup of tea to help calm her.

“Ever since he was taken he’s been having problems sleeping and he’s been nervous all the time, even with me. The night terrors are affecting him to the point where he’s beginning to lash out. After speaking with a healer, I decided that the best course was for him to placed there so that he could get better.”

 Harry winced internally. He couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty over his role in her father’s capture, even though the man tried to turn him over to the Death Eater, but Harry couldn’t fault him for wanting to save the only family he had left. Harry felt that he would’ve done the same thing. He finished up her tea and handed it to her as he sat down at the dining room table.

“I’m so sorry Luna. I hope that he gets the help he needs and can come home as quickly as possible. I appreciate you coming here to tell me this Luna, but that doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

Luna graciously took the cup and sat down at the table herself, choosing to stare absentmindedly into the cup instead of looking at Harry,

“With Daddy gone I’m all alone at the house. I’ve never really been alone there, especially after my mum died; Daddy didn’t want me to be all by myself. I don’t want to stay there by myself so I’m looking for another place to stay. I can’t go to the Burrow because it’s too close, Ron and Hermione doesn’t have enough room, and Bill & Fleur’s has too many bad memories from…” she stopped there but Harry understood what was unsaid. “So, I decided to come by here and see if I could stay, at least until Daddy gets better.” She finally raised her face to consider Harry’s eyes.

Harry stared back at her as he tried to make a decision. On one hand, he really didn’t anyone else staying here, knowing that his sour disposition would just bring other people down and he didn’t want to be the cause of other people’s misfortunes. He also didn’t want to deal with anyone or anything anymore, so having a housemate 24/7 didn’t really appeal to him right now.

 On the other hand, Luna seemed so Vulnerable right now. Like him, she really didn’t have anyone else she could go to. Yeah, they both could go to Ron, Hermione, or the rest of the Weasley’s but even though they all were like a family, they weren’t. His guilt over her father’s placement once again reared its head and he realized that there was really only one choice.

“Of course, you can stay here Luna. You can stay as long as you need to.”

Luna responded with a grin so big, it had Harry worried that she would crack her face due to its sheer size. She quickly closed the distance between them and gave him a hug that could rival one of Hermione’s with its fierceness.

“Thank you, Harry. Now where will I be staying?”

He awkwardly disengaged from her arms, and told her which room where could put her stuff in before she hugged him once again, offered even more thanks, before running off to her room with her things, her trademark skip having returned to her gait.

He shook his head at her retreating form, as he realized that his life was about to get more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is curious, this story is designed to be canon compliant but it will have some H/L undertones, especially early on.  
> Don't expect incredibly frequent updates for this story right now. My main focus is on Negative Regression, but I do plan on working on this story in the background, along with a few other story ideas that I have.  
> Hope you like this chapter and as always, thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 2

Once upon a time, Harry might’ve thought that having Luna as a housemate would be an enjoyable experience. In his current situation however, the experience tried his nerves more than anything else. Whatever he had thought living with her would be like, this definitely wasn’t it.

He thought that she would probably spend most of her time out of the house, his constant brooding usually meant that most people were keen to give him his space, which he was grateful for. Not Luna however, it seemed she was content to spend most of her time at Grimmauld Place as well. He would wake up and she would already be up and about, and though she didn’t feel the need to spend all her time in the same room as him, the times that she would were frequent enough to be an annoyance. He was finding that the times that she would leave the house for whatever reason was a blessing in disguise.

But that wasn’t what really bothered him. When they would speak, there was a tension in their conversations that didn’t sit well with him. Deep down, he knew that a part of it was his fault, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Luna had something to do with it as well. When she would ask him how his day was or engage in other forms of idle conversation, he detected something in her voice that he couldn’t quite trace.

It also wasn’t hard to notice that whatever it was that was wrong with her, got worse when Ron and Hermione would visit, which only puzzled him further. Eventually, his best friends’ visits became less frequent, the only thing that was different was Luna’s presence in his house now. As the weeks went by, he slowly started to resent Luna’s presence for it. Not only that, but her empathetic nature was also starting to aggravate him greatly. She rarely talked about herself and always wanted to pry into his thoughts and feelings. Why couldn’t anyone understand that he didn’t want to talk about any of it.

It all came to a head a months and half after Luna had moved. The day began like much of the days prior, after waking close to noon, Harry slowly trudged his way into the sitting room to read the Daily Prophet and nurse a small glass of Firewhiskey. He never drank enough that he got belligerent, but he found that slowly drinking throughout the day provided some comfort, though he knew the feeling was purely temporary.

When he made it down stairs, he unsurprisingly saw that Luna was up as well, sitting in an armchair across from his, her mind entranced in a book that no doubt was about some creature that she was currently fascinated by. His desire to sit and drink now gone, he decided to head into the kitchen and make breakfast. Cooking he found out, was another great form of escape, though just like his other vices, the peace and relief he felt from it was only temporary. He went to work making pancakes and bacon for two. Despite his irritation with her presence, he wasn’t heartless enough to leave her to her own devices to make food for herself, at least his selflessness was still there in some capacity. He watched her once struggle to make food for the two of them and chose to begrudgingly step in and take over once it was clear that she wasn’t making any real progress.

Once all the food was done, she came in and sat at the opposite end of the table, choosing to continue reading the text in front of her instead of acknowledging him. Glad that there wouldn’t be any forced conversation, he ate his food in peace, but his eyes kept falling on the girl sitting in front of him.

He considered her for several moments as he tried to piece together what was going through her mind. He knew that she needed a place to stay once her father was committed, but he had a tough time grasping why she couldn’t just find a place on her own. He had to admit though that this thought mostly came from his desire to be alone, thus a desire for her to get back on her feet and get out. As he understood it, most people were eager to get out from under their parents’ thumb and were quick to strike out on their own once they could, but Luna was different. He tried to piece the whole thing together but couldn’t help but feel that he was forgetting some vital information.

Eventually she announced that she was going to be heading out for much of the day, barely eliciting a response from the man opposite her. Harry didn’t even have the energy to chastise himself for feeling elated that she would be gone for a few hours, feeling guilty about it didn’t even register in his mind. He silently watched as she gathered some of her things and exited the front door, an unconscious sigh of relief escaping him once he was alone once again.

With that, Harry resumed his self-imposed solitary confinement. Moving back to the sitting room, he opened a bottle of Firewhiskey and began reading the Daily Prophet. He had no desire to reintegrate into the wizarding public, choosing instead to convince himself that he could be a part of it by reading the Prophet, that he could live vicariously through the articles in the paper. He knew that it was a hollow excuse but he couldn’t bring himself to care at all. The people of magical Britain had abandoned him time and time again, why couldn’t he do the same to them.

His mind then wandered to the item in his bedside table, and found himself climbing the many flights of stairs up to his bedroom. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he sat there, looking at the drawer in question, wondering if he even wanted to look inside it. His hand slowly creeped towards its handle, a part of him hoping that it would be there and today would be the day that all his demons would leave him, while an equally as big part of him hoped that it had somehow disappeared, taking the decision with it. Looking inside, equally as excited as he was hesitant to look inside, there it was.

His wand. 11’’, Holly, and a Phoenix feather core.

Initially, he felt no reservations about magic and continued like normal. As time went on however, he slowly began to only use magic occasionally outside of work. It wasn’t until Ginny left that, and he began to feel disillusioned with the wizarding world, did he put his wand away and choose to live without magic. The decision came equally in parts to feeling like he had failed too many times during the war to deserve to do magic but also out of spite as well. He managed to hide this from all his friends and family, but he started to get the feeling that Luna suspected something. He was so tempted to reach out and feel the familiar bond between a wizard and his wand, but before he could consider it any further, he heard the familiar sound of the Floo activating. Closing the drawer, he headed downstairs and was met by Hermione who was sitting patiently on one of the couches in the sitting room.

“Hello Harry.”

“Hello Hermione. What are you doing here?” he meant the question to come out more naturally, but it still retained a little bit of bite behind it. She winced slightly at the tone of his voice. He quickly tried to recover, “I mean, how are you?”

“I’m doing fine,” she said as a smile graced her face once again, “I just figured I’d come over and see how you’re doing.”

“I’m doing fine Hermione.” He knew that his answer wouldn’t be satisfactory for her, but he hoped that she knew to not pry any further. Thankfully, she didn’t, but she began glancing around the house as if looking for something.

“Where’s Luna?”

He stiffened at her question, she seemed anxious about the idea that Luna might be here somewhere. It was question that he should’ve anticipated, since she asked him that every time her and Ron came over. Speaking of Ron…

“Where’s Ron?”

It was Hermione’s turn to stiffen, fidgeting nervously before answering, “He’s off visiting Teddy and Andromeda.”

Harry felt his heart sink at the news. He had yet to visit his Godson since Ginny had left and he felt guilty for it. He knew that it was his responsibility to see the boy, not Ron and Hermione, but he couldn’t bring himself to be a part of Teddy’s life and somehow ruin it.

“Oh,” was all he could manage, the conflicting emotions in his head making it impossible for him to express how exactly how he was feeling. Seeing that he was closing in in himself, Hermione quickly change topics and began talking about her work in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, hoping to improve Harry’s mood. Though, she managed to stop himself from withdrawing any further into himself, it was obvious to both that he was mostly acting interested for her benefit.

The sound of the door opening caught both of their attention, as Luna once again entered the house.

“Hello Hermione Granger.”

“Luna,” Hermione replied simply. Luna joined the conversation about magical creatures briefly, but judging by how restless Hermione seemed to be, she was anxious to get out of there. Luna eventually got up to take some stuff up to her room, and almost immediately after she left the room, Hermione announced her intention to head back home. Harry’s mind immediately returned to his earlier suspicion that Luna was the reason that his friends didn’t visit as much anymore, causing a scowl to form on his face. If Hermione noticed, she didn’t say anything, as she strode out into the entrance hall, apparently choosing to apparate back to work instead of taking the Floo. He listened for the sound of the door opening and closing that would signal her exit, but it took several moments, longer than it was needed to walk from this room to the door before he heard the tell-tale sound. Luna entered the room almost immediately afterwards, so Harry was forced to squash the scowl on his face, as she sat down on her usual couch and the two of them read in silence.

Dinner that night was as a subdued thing as it always was. The meal of the night was a simple pasta, mostly because Harry’s mood had been ruined earlier and he didn’t feel like putting all that much effort into his cooking. He wanted to make something that was both relatively easy but could also distract him for brief time, but even that relief was momentary.

The meal itself was a quiet one, both choosing to eat in silence, Luna being caught up in a new book she just purchased, while Harry stewed in his frustration by pushing his food around on his plate. The longer the silence went on, the more his thoughts betrayed him, twisting him into a knot of suspicion and apprehension. Though he had opened his house up to Luna happily, he found it easier and easier with every passing day to blame her for all his shortcomings. His sour mood to the supposed abandonment of his friends, in his mind, could all be laid down at her feet.

“How was your day, Harry?”

“Good.” He hoped his clipped answer was enough to deter her from further talking, but of course, it wasn’t to be.

“I’m sure it was, especially since Hermione showed up.” He couldn’t stop his body from going rigid at her words, his grip on his glass so tight, he thought he might break it. “It’s always a treat when she shows up. She’s not around as much lately-” her sentence was cut off when Harry finally snapped.

“I wonder why that is?” he said with venom dripping from his sarcastic voice. Luna’s eyes widened at his tone, the shock she felt so strong, she dropped her silverware.

“What do you mean Harry?”

He scoffed, annoyed that she hadn’t put two and two together. “Ron and Hermione used to come by all the time, but they haven’t in the last couple of weeks. Do you know why?” She opened her mouth to respond, but Harry didn’t give her the chance. “It’s because of you!” he shouted causing her to jump back slightly. Weeks of paranoia and depression finally boiling over, until he couldn’t keep the outburst in any longer. “Ever since you’ve been here they’ve stayed away. Of course, it’s your fault.”

“Harry please…”

“No,” he replied harshly, moving his eyes down to the table in front of him, “I opened my doors to you because I felt sorry for you and I thought it was the right thing to do, but all you’ve done is make everything worse.” He slammed his fist down on the table, causing all the items on top of it to shake, a few of them even toppling over and careened off the table. He was ready to continue his tirade, but when he cast his eyes on Luna once more, it caused his heart to stop.

He could tell that what little control she had on her own emotions was dwindling, the tears that were nearly ready to cascade from her eyes made them shine in a way that had a profound effect on him. It was also apparent that she was shaking profusely as she tried to keep her silent sobs from escaping her. The look of utter misery on his face made his anger vanish instantly, and he immediately began to feel bad about his outburst.

“Luna…” he tried softly but no sooner had the words left his mouth that the girl bolted from the room, leaving a terribly guilt-ridden Harry behind to figure out how he was going to fix all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t promise regular updates, but I can promise that I’ll at least be writing for this story a little more often than every 6 months.  
> I know some people are going to criticize my portrayal of Harry here, but I wanted this story to show him during one of the darkest portions of his life and show the consequences of everything that he had been through. He’ll start getting better with the next chapter, but it won’t be a miraculous change, he’s going to have to work at it.  
> As always thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 3

It must’ve been at least 4 hours later when Harry finally got up from his seat in the sitting room, before he decided that Luna was not coming down from her room anytime soon. The few times he entertained going up and knocking on her door, he dropped the idea. He was probably the last person she wanted to see, and he didn’t really want the confrontation, choosing to wait until she came down and talk to her there.

Deciding that it was a waste of time sitting around and waiting for her to come to him, he walked absentmindedly walked into the kitchen. He was so focused on his thoughts that he wasn’t really seeing anything and moving on auto-pilot. He kept replaying the final moments of his conversation with Luna in his head, wondering why and how he had allowed such thoughts to plague his mind, let alone be uttered in the heat of the moment.

When he came back to himself, he realized that he had grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey and a glass and was in the process of pouring himself a drink. Disgusted with himself, he smashed the glass on the counter, shattering it into a million pieces. A sharp pain in his hand caused him to gasp, and when he inspected it, he saw a large piece was embedded in his hand.

Quickly pulling the offending piece out, his initial reaction was to start to head to the stairs and up to his room. Once inside, he opened the top drawer of his nightstand and was met by the sight of his wand once again. His fingers briefly twitched in longing to use it to heal himself, but he redirected himself and grabbed a box of bandages instead. After his performance today, he didn’t deserve to use magic.

The crude wrap job did little to stop the pain in his hand, but at least he wasn’t bleeding, though he still felt that passing out from blood loss was the worst of his problems. Deciding to man up and do the right thing, he marched down the hall and stopped right in front of Luna’s room. He raised his fist up, hesitating for a few moments, before knocking, the sounds so weak, he worried for a moment whether she would hear him.

“Luna?”

No response.

“Luna?” he tried a little stronger. Still, he got no response. “Luna, open up. I want to talk to you about earlier.” The lack of response started to worry him, so without any thought towards the consequences, he tried the door, only to find it locked. He briefly considered trying to force it open, before realizing there was a better idea.

He ran back to his room and grabbed his wand. Once he was back in place, he raised his wand, ready to perform magi for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

_“Alohamora”_

He suddenly felt a warm feeling traveling up his arm, the act of casting a spell making him feel momentarily better than any glass of Firewhiskey ever had. Wand still in hand, he slowly opened Luna’s door.

“Luna?” Instead of finding a crying Luna, or any form of Luna for that matter. Her room seemed undisturbed, the only indication that she was there was the slight rumpling of her bed, the wet spot near her pillow which was obviously from crying, and a few drawers of her dresser open with articles of clothing hanging over the edge.

It felt like his heart had been ripped out. Luna had left, and it was all his fault. Walking backwards into the hallway, he slid down against the wall and sat down with his arms resting on his knees. He stared at the wall in front of him without really seeing, his hands absently running along the length of his wall. Once he noticed the movement, he stared at his wand for a few moments, before he violently chucked it forward, the piece of wood flying into Luna’s room, clattering in the darkness.

He sat there for several worrying over the pain he caused one of his close friends when it finally clicked in his head. He needed to fix this, he needed to make things right by Luna. He got up and immediately headed back downstairs towards his sitting room.

Hermione was sitting in her own sitting room, reading a book she had just purchased on her way home from work. She liked to sit in front of the fire and read until Ron showed up to her flat. Even though she loved the man, it was always nice to have some time to herself. Plus, she needed the distraction.

She had visited Harry earlier and though he tried to claim otherwise, she knew he was still struggling to adjust. She wanted to help him, but she realized that she wasn’t the right person to help him. She had adjusted too well for her to be able to completely understand what he was going through.

Almost as if summoned, her fireplace flared up, green flames rising from it, and out stepped Harry.

“Harry?!” to say she was shocked was an understatement. To the best of her knowledge, Harry had barely left Grimmauld Place in recent months, so to see him in her living room was quite the shock. She recovered quickly though and ran up to hug him, even though she had seen him only a few hours ago. When she pulled back, she realized that his reasons for showing up weren’t happy ones.

“Harry, what happened?”

“Luna’s gone.”

Her eyes widened and nearly popped out of her skull. “Gone? What do you mean gone?”

Harry’s eyes dropped to the floor between them, the shame and guilt clear as day on his face. “I sort of…yelled at her and upset her. She ran up to her room and after a few hours I went up to check on her, she was gone.”

Though she felt bad for her friend, she couldn’t keep the huff of irritation and frustration from escaping her. “What on earth could she have possibly done to warrant this?”

Harry was surprised by the anger in Hermione’s voice, enough so that he instinctively lashed back at her. “I thought she was the reason the everyone was keeping away from me.”

“How on earth did you figure that?”

“Well, what was I supposed to think? Every time someone came over, the second she showed up, they would leave.”

Hermione stiffened visibly at his words. Harry waited several moments for her to respond to his accusation but after a few minutes, he noticed that she was doing her best to look anywhere except for his face.

“Hermione?”

She jumped in her seat, which could only mean that she was so whatever it was, it must be somewhat serious for her to fold in on herself like this.

“Well…uhmmm… you see…”

“Out with-it Hermione!”

“It’s not Luna’s fault!” Hermione immediately clasped her hands over her mouth, her eyes bugging out once again. Obviously her admission was supposed to be some huge revelation, but Harry was still confused.

“What?”

“Luna’s not the reason that everyone’s been leaving you alone. It’s my fault.”

His brain stopped momentarily as he processed this latest information. His initial reaction was to lash out and yell at her, but after what happened with Luna, he was somehow able to reel in his anger. He just stared at her waiting for her to continue her explanation.

With a great sigh, Hermione finally began speaking once again. “After Ginny left, you were so angry Harry. It just seemed that every time Ron and I came ‘round, you were just getting worse. The only explanation that made sense was that seeing that we all were moving on faster than you was the reason.” Harry opened his mouth to respond, but a raised hand from Hermione stopped him in his tracks. “We tried to come up for a way to help you for a long time. We didn’t have any idea how to help you until Luna showed up at our door asking for a place to stay.”

This was news to Harry. Luna had never let on that she had tried to find a somewhere before she landed on his doorstep, then again, he was always reluctant to talk with her, so it was easy for thr topic to never come up.

“Once she explained to us what was happening, we realized that she was only one having as hard a time coping as you were, so... we convinced her that staying with you was the best option she had.”

“Why? If I was having such a tough time adapting, why would you think her living with me would improve anything?”

“We thought the two of you could help each other heal. Besides, we hoped that seeing her in distress would cause the old Harry to come back, the man who would always go out of his way to help.”

Harry sat there in silence as he tried to understand everything Hermione had told him. He agreed that even though he loathed to admit it, seeing how everyone else moved on so easily after everything that happened was difficult, but ultimately decided that being left to his own devices had hurt even more. Though, he didn’t appreciate Hermione’s methods, he was still a little thankful that her actions had made him realize how important all the people in his life were.

Then, there was everything with Luna. She had come to him to try and heal, and somehow at the same time, to heal him. A fresh bout of shame overcame him. He needed to find Luna and try to fix whatever it was that was happened between them.

“I can’t say I’m happy that you were trying to dictate my life for me Hermione, but I’m grateful that you tried to help, and I guess that’s all that matters.” Hermione seemed surprised by his words, causing her eyes to begin to water up as a small smile grew on her face. “I’m sorry for making you guys feel that you were hurting me, but next time, just talk to me about it instead of cutting me off.”

“I’m so sorry Harry-”

“It’s fine Hermione. It’ll take me a little while to come to terms with all this, but right now, I need to find Luna.”

Hermione’s face turned pensive as she thought before realization dawned on her face. “St. Mungo’s!”

Harry mentally kicked himself for not realizing it sooner. He quickly got up from his chair and gave Hermione a hug and a kiss on the top of her head, before speeding off towards the fireplace. His pace was so hurried that he failed to notice the smile on Hermione’s face at his display of affection, nor did he realize that that was first time he’d done such a thing since Ginny left.

Stepping out of the Floo, he found himself in the reception area of St. Mungo’s. His sudden arrival startled many of the families and waiting patients there, who briefly gawked at the sudden appearance of their world’s savior, reminding him of why he never went out anymore. He did his best to ignore their stares, he had more important things to worry about.

At first, he stood off to the side of the room, hoping that Luna would be back sooner than later. After a few minutes, he realized that she was visiting her father, so she might be a while. With that in mind he took a seat near the entrance to the various wards of the hospital.

Though he tried to fight it, the longer he sat waiting on Luna, the more guilt he felt. He knew that her fleeing the house was his fault and he wanted to be there for her, but the more he brooded, the more he wanted to flee the hospital and lock himself up again.

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet gasp coming from in front of him. Looking up, he saw Luna with her eyes locked onto him. He could tell by her posture that she was debating whether she should run away. He stood up slowly, not wanting to startle her, but when he wanted to walk up to her, his legs refused to move. Their eyes were locked for several moments when Harry noticed that tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, making him hate himself even more for how he acted towards her. She was already dealing with so much, and he just made things even worse.

Finally, the spell over him broke and he took a cautious step forward. Noticing his movement, Luna looked as though she wanted to flee, moving forward as if to go around him. The closer they got, the more she tried to get away, but was unable to prevent Harry from wrapping her up in a hug.

Instead of accepting the hug, she began to squirm, the tears finally falling, as unintelligible words fell from her mouth as she struggled. She began beating on his chest, but Harry wouldn’t relent, only holding her tighter. This went on for several minutes, before Luna finally returned his embrace, and sobbed into his shoulder. Harry felt the guilt he felt inside finally begin to dissipate, but he knew that they had a long way to go before they were completely healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone!  
> It’s been a while since I last updated this story, but with it being the holiday season, I decided to post this chapter, as well as other updates for my other active stories.  
> I’ve been trying to create an interesting dynamic between Harry and Luna here, and hopefully I’ve accomplished that. The idea that they’re both healing and that they need to heal together is one that I like and I’m trying to have them both heal in organic ways.   
> My plan going forward is to have more regular updates for this story, especially since I’ve got a better idea of where this story is going to go.  
> As always, thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 4

 

The weeks that followed Luna’s return to Grimmauld Place were tense, but they were noticeably improving. The pair had sat down a few days after Harry was able to coax her back home, having an open discussion on everything that was plaguing them, leading to a new understanding of the other was going through. Luna herself, had taken to the new dynamic to their relationship, her desire to be alone lessening, and though there were still times where Harry’s mood might get to her, she reminded herself of what he was going through and was able to bounce back after a brief period. She was slowly returning to her usual eccentric self, and though a few moments of relapse would occur, she was making strides in her own improvement

Recent events, had opened Harry’s eyes to how his behavior affected others, specifically how it hurt Luna. The last thing he wanted to do was hamper her road to recovery, and thus resolved to improve his demeanor for her sake. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should be getting better for himself and not for Luna, but his need to make sure that she got better clouded his judgement.

As of yet, Harry had yet to leave the isolated flat for any considerable amount of time, but he had managed to convince himself to visit Ron and Hermione on the odd occasion, but such outings were still few and far between. His best friends had also been making renewed efforts to stop by and visit him. Hermione took the revelations from Harry’s first visit very seriously, and went out of her way to try and make up for it, usually stopping by either 2 or 3 times a week for a visit.

Weeks went by with the two of them living comfortably and before he knew any better, Christmas was upon them.

The holidays were a polarizing time for Harry. On one hand, he’d always been happy to celebrate with those he loved. On the other hand, even though the Weasley’s were the closest thing he had to family, this time of year was a cold reminder that he had no family, unless you counted the Dursley’s, but he considered them family as much as he considered Voldemort family.

The real icing on the cake was that for the first time in years, he didn’t want to spend Christmas at the Burrow, not because he didn’t care for them, or they him, but because he knew Ginny would be there. Seeing her again, and then having to watch her leave again would do well for whatever steps he had made for getting better. He resolved to just avoid the possibility of seeing her, so he decided to stay clear of the Burrow. He knew it was petty and that he shouldn’t push his insecurities on the family, but he figured that he earned the right to be a little selfish.

Luna seemed to be having the opposite reaction to the Christmas holidays. If anything, she seemed to be lighter, taking to adding a few decorations around Grimmauld Place, and even though he hardly saw the point, it was clear that it was helping her. He even managed an occasional smile from the blonde infectious mood. Though he was still hesitant to admit it out loud, he was glad to have her with him.

Harry woke up Christmas day as if it were any other day. Glancing at his bedside clock, the time read 7:43, wondering what compelled him to get up so early. The sound of someone moving around excitedly in the hallway outside, providing the answer to his internal question.

Luna.

He instantly wondered how he didn’t come to that answer himself, followed by briefly considering whether it would be possible for him to go back to sleep, but gave up on the idea when he heard a knock at his door.

“Wake up Harry!”

Harry groaned as rolled over, pressing his face into the pillow. He hoped that it was loud enough to be considered as an answer, but when no answer came, he lifted himself up and yelled towards the door.

“It’s too early Luna. Let me sleep.” He dropped back down, intent on getting some more sleep. As his eyes began drifting shut, he heard Luna singing hat sounded like a Christmas carol, but she was making up her own lyrics. With a great sigh, he heaved himself out of bed and began getting ready. Once he’d gotten dressed and somewhat tamed his hair, he entered the living room, and couldn’t suppress a smirk at the sight that awaited him.

Luna was sitting on the couch with a cup of cocoa with a small pile of gifts waiting in front of her. She had obviously waited for him before she started opening them, but the look in her eyes showed her impatience. When she saw his arrival, she grabbed another cup from beside her and handed it to him as he took a seat in a nearby chair. With some quick thanks, the two began opening their various gifts.

Harry’s presents were much of the same as they were most years. He got a sweater from Mrs. Weasley, joke products from George, a broom servicing kit from Ron, and a dueling strategy book from Hermione. He appreciated the sentiment of his best friends’ gifts, but since he was still reluctant to return to work and he hadn’t ridden a broom in sometime, they brought up some old feelings of self-doubt, but he fought them back quickly. Luna had also received a sweater and products from Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes but had gotten a book on magical creatures and some camping equipment from Ron and Hermione.

He was enjoying going through his other gifts until he found a box that was a little off to the side. Checking the note, he saw that it was from Ginny, and immediately wanted nothing to do with it. He was close to chucking it off to the side, but he knew deep down that he was being childish. Still, he decided that he would open it later, when he and Luna exchanged their own gifts.

They settled into comfortable silence, both reading the books Hermione had gotten them for Christmas, and before he knew it, the clock in the corner was signaling 3 ‘o clock. Luna looked up from her book, seeing the time, set it down and began to head out of the room. She paused in the doorway and looked back at Harry, who looked up a few moments later when he realized that she was staring at him.

“We’d better get ready,” she began, confusing Harry slightly, “We don’t want to be late.”

“To where?” he asked, but he had a sinking feeling he knew what her answer was.

“To the Burrow of course. Hermione was kind enough to remind me of it during her last visit.”

Harry sank further into his seat, his gaze drifting to the ceiling. “Luna, I don’t really feel like going to the Burrow. The last thing I want to do is ruin their Christmas.”

It was a conversation that the two of them had had many times over the past few weeks. Luna would start it each time, but thankfully, she would relent once it was apparent that Harry was getting upset b the conversation. It didn’t dissuade her from repeatedly bringing it up however, and she was determined to get him out of the house.

“That’s just it Harry, you won’t be ruining anyone’s Christmas by being there.” When it seemed like she was going to fail again, she sat right next to Harry and took his hands in her own, capturing his gaze in her eyes, her voice rising as she made her point. “I know you blame yourself for everything that happened, for Fred,” he winced at hearing the deceased twins name, “but no one blames you Harry. Will you please come?”

Their eyes remained locked for several minutes, until Harry dropped his head looking at the floor in defeat. Luna shot up from her seat, startling him, and left the room. As she stormed out, he saw the telltale signs of tears in her eyes, as she strode into the rest of the house. It wasn’t until several minutes later that he heard the telltale sound of apparition, signaling that he was once again alone.

Almost immediately, he chastised himself for his own cowardice. He knew that it upset the others that he was so distant from them, but how could they look at him, when so many of their friends and family died for him. He remembered how visceral his reaction was after Luna had reentered his life. What if he acted the same way at the Burrow and not only ruined the Weasley’s Christmas, but made them resent him? He wasn’t sure if he could live with that.

Without even realizing it, he began wondering the halls of Grimmauld Place, until he ended up in front of Sirius’ room. He hadn’t been in there since they were on the run and accidently revealed its location to the Death Eaters, but he couldn’t stop himself from opening the door and looking inside. The room was much like he had left it years ago, except the obvious signs that someone had rummaged through much of the drawers and other hiding spaces in the room.

He sat down on the bed and immersed himself in the memories of his godfather. Though, he only knew the man for a brief time, Sirius had easily become one of the most important people in his life. From rescuing him in his third year to spending Christmas with him in his fifth year, Harry let himself briefly be overwhelmed with nostalgia and longing.

His brain kept returning to the Christmas that he, Hermione, and the Weasleys had spent at Grimmauld Place, and though he himself remembered being happy to spend the holidays with Sirius, he remembered how somber the older man became once they were supposed to leave. He remembered how isolated Sirius felt and how restless he was being cooped up in his family’s home, along with the self-loathing and depression.

The similarities between how Sirius felt then and how Harry felt now didn’t escape him. His brain faltered momentarily as he realized that he was heading down the same path that his godfather once did, the only difference now was that Harry’s isolation was self-inflicted. He realized with a start that Sirius wouldn’t want him to ever go through that. The more he thought about it, the more the similarities became more glaring, forcing Harry to see what Luna was trying to tell him. He was afraid of ending up like Sirius, eventually becoming so disassociated from everything that used to be his life, that eventually it would destroy him.

With that in mind, he decided that he needed to change that, and began to get ready to head out.

The crack of apparition rang outside of the Burrow, catching the attention of a few people inside, specifically Molly and Ron. The two of them ran outside, wondering who would be showing up at this time on Christmas. It was to their immense surprise that they found Harry, standing awkwardly outside.

“Harry!”

“Oh, Harry dear!”

He was immediately wrapped up in a strong hug from Mrs. Weasley, nearly forcing all the air out of him.

“Happy Christmas Molly.”

She pulled back, one hand moving to his face, lightly stroking it. “It’s so good for you to finally join us.”

Ron came up once she released him and offered his own one-armed hug. “It’s good to see you mate.”

“It’s good to be here.”

Harry allowed himself to be guided towards the house, his anxiety rising with every step he took. Though Molly and Ron had accepted him with open arms, would everyone else? Would he ruin everyone else’s Christmas? He fought against the desire to run away, as they neared the door to the kitchen.

His fear left him immediately at the sight of the happy family getting ready to enjoy a Christmas dinner. Arthur was sat at one end of the table, talking with Percy who was sat to his right with his girlfriend Audrey, and Bill to his left, who had Fleur and their newborn Victoire sat between the couple, while George and Angelina were joking around with Charlie a few seats down.

Before he could get a good look at who else was there, his thoughts were interrupted by someone saying his name.

“Harry!” exclaimed Hermione as she dropped what she was doing in the kitchen and embraced him, dropping a quick kiss to his cheek. He stiffened for a second, before she indicated above his head, revealing a piece of mistletoe. “It’s so great you’ve decided to join us.”

They embraced once again but were interrupted again, this time by a much higher voice, yelling in excitement.

“Unca Hawwy!”

Suddenly a small body had wrapped itself around Harry’s legs, before picked up his godson and embraced him tightly.

“Hey little guy. I’ve missed you.”

It shocked Harry how true that statement felt. A quick mental check, gave him the realization that he hadn’t been doing well at helping raise the toddler lately, filling him with shame. Andromeda came over soon after and embraced him as well, before one last person finally made her approach.

“You came,” was all Luna managed to say, obviously surprised and a little choked up at Harry and Teddy’s reunion. Instead of immediately responding, Harry put his godson down and embraced the blonde tightly, giving her a quiet, “Thank you,” before moving to take his seat with the rest of his family.

When Harry returned home with Luna later that night, it was with a much lighter heart than he had had in months. Christmas with the Weasley’s had been a cathartic experience for him, one that he didn’t realize would help as much as it did., his fears of ruining the family’s festivities were unfounded.

What may have helped somewhat, was the fact that Ginny was unable to attend this year. Her schedule with the Holyhead Harpies prevented her from being there on Christmas day, but had managed to visit the night before, leaving presents for everyone there. She had gotten him an autographed Quaffle, signed by the whole team, which he did appreciate, but her absence still stung a little bit.

“Oh,” said Luna, stopping Harry before he could exit the hallway they were in, “I almost forgot about our presents.”

Seemingly from nowhere, she pulled a small present from behind her and offered it. Caught off-guard, Harry grabbed it, holding up a finger for her to wait a moment, and ran into the living room to grab her gift.

Once he returned, he gave her and opened his own. Opening the small box wrapped inside, he found a snitch, which once it touched his hand, he realized it was the same one he dropped in the Forbidden Forest because the words, _I open at the close_ showed up. He choked back a sob and looked back up at Luna.

“How-”

“I found it in the forest my 7th year. I asked Hermione about it, and she told me what it was and what it held. Even though I chose not to find the stone, I hope it reminds you that they’re always with us.”

He was without words, he couldn’t properly formulate a response, as he watched Luna open her gift, immediately feeling like his gift paled in comparison. When she finished unwrapping it, she pulled out a polaroid camera, which he had gotten her after hearing about how hard it was for her to draw any creatures she went out to find.

Any fear that his gift wouldn’t compare when he saw the pure look of awe on her face. She seemed on the brink of tears as she hugged it to her chest and met Harry’s eyes once again.

“This is the most thoughtful gift anyone’s ever given me. Thank you, Harry.”

She stepped forward and kissed Harry on the very corner of his mouth, enough on the cheek to be acceptable, but close enough to his mouth to catch him off-guard.

“Happy Christmas Harry.”

“Happy Christmas,” he replied as he absent-mindedly touched the spot she had kissed, a goofy smile growing on his face. On a whim, he glanced at the doorway above his head, and saw no sign of mistletoe above him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s another chapter. I’m trying to show the progression of Harry’s road to recovery with each chapter, but since I’m aware that I’m not the best writer, I can only hope that the idea is paying off. The previous 2 chapters were all about Harry learning how his attitude and behavior is affecting everyone else, this one was about him figuring out that isolating himself isn’t the answer. I personally saw the comparison between Harry at this point and Sirius and thought it was an organic way for him to overcome that obstacle.  
> I envision this story being 2 parts, and part 1 should wrap up in 2 or 3 chapters. Then there’ll be a time jump. But I’m getting ahead of myself.  
> I hope you all enjoyed this, and thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 5

“I’m not so sure about this Luna,” Harry said nervously, as he fiddled with the collar of the shirt he was wearing.

“Relax Harry, you’ll be fine. You didn’t have any problems on Christmas.”

“Yeah, that was the Weasleys. This is completely different Luna.”

“Trust me. Everything will work out,” Luna said in her usual chipper tone.

Harry groaned internally, wondering how she had managed to talk him into this. Ever since Harry had made his surprise appearance at the Weasley’s Christmas party, Luna had been trying to get him to go out in public, which Harry had avoided up until this point. He hadn’t gone out since he was suspended from Auror corps and he didn’t know if he was ready yet. The Weasleys were one thing but going back out into the scrutiny of the Wizarding public was another matter entirely, but inevitably, he had to give in.

What it all came down to was that it was Luna who had asked him. Ever since Christmas, Harry had begun feeling lighter around Luna, finding her presence to be one of the few lights in his life right now, aside from Ron, Hermione, and the Weasleys. Through out the day, he would catch himself staring at her, a small smile on his face, until he chastised himself and went back to whatever he was doing.  All the while, him and Luna began getting steadily closer. He shook his head, realizing that that line of thought was dangerous. He focused back on the issue at hand, finding it much safer than thoughts on his confusing relationship with Luna.

Despite all his efforts against it, Luna had managed to drag Harry out of Grimmauld Place and onto the bustling streets of Diagon Alley. He scanned the myriad of people walking along the street, dreading the inevitable double take that would inevitably happen once people realized who he was. Surprisingly enough, only a small number of the streets inhabitants seemed to notice who he was, as Luna pulled him towards their destination, the Leaky Cauldron. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he thought.

Harry was once again surprised that nobody looked up towards the door once he and Luna entered, each patron continuing what they were doing, whether it was eating or if they were engrossed in a conversation. The only person to notice was Tom, who eyes widened briefly in disbelief, before a fond smile crossed her face.

“Well, Merlin’s beard! If it isn’t Harry Potter.”

Despite never having all that close of a relationship, the barkeep stepped from behind the bar and shook Harry’s hand, which he awkwardly returned, before he did the same to Luna.

“Come in, come in. Have yourselves a seat and I’ll run and fetch you a few drinks.”

He quickly ushered the pair over towards a table near the corner of the room. They were barely sat down, before the barman summoned two bottles of Butterbeer over, and took the pairs order.

Once they were both left alone, Luna began humming a tune that only she knew, while Harry continued to glance around the room, bombarded by feelings and memories of this place. His thoughts drifted to Hogwarts and the feelings of home that it brought, making him realize how much he had missed this. He began regretting his self-imposed exile, relishing in the feeling of belonging that places like Diagon Alley provided.

Before he knew it, Tom had returned with their food, both electing to order fish & chips. The two of them ate in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company as they

“I think you should move out of Grimmauld Place.”

The statement caught him off-guard, so much so that he choked on his drink, provoking a coughing fit for several moments until he finally got his breathing back to normal.

“What?”

“I think it would best if you moved out of Grimmauld Place,” she said, like she believed it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why do you think that?”

“I know you don’t want to leave that place because it belonged to your godfather but being constantly reminded of Sirius isn’t going to help you move on. You don’t have to sell his house, but I think it would help you to move somewhere else. I don’t want to stay stuck where you are, all because you think you’re betraying his memory by not living there.  He would want you to move on with your life, and not stay trapped in the house that he hated.”

Harry considered her words for a few moments, while Luna went back to her humming. He knew that her words had merit, but the thought of giving up Grimmauld Place, the only thing of his Sirius’ that he had left, hurt too much to think about.

Before Harry had the opportunity to respond, Luna announced that she needed to visit the restroom and left the table, leaving him alone with his thoughts. As he absently continued eating, he noticed that someone had stopped in front of his table, causing him to look up.

“Is your food alright Mr….Harry?!”

 “Hannah?”

Before him stood his former year mate, Hannah Abbot. Harry almost didn’t recognize the former Hufflepuff, it being years since the two had seen each other, probably since shortly after the Battle of Hogwarts. He vaguely noticed that she had filled out more since then, but that was a brief thought as he took notice of the rest of her appearance. She was wearing an apron over her regular clothes, she was obviously employed by Tom. Though she had an exhausted look on her face, he could that she was overjoyed with what she was doing.

“It’s been a while Harry. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Likewise.”

“How have you been Harry?”

He briefly contemplated telling her the truth, but ultimately decided to go with a simple, “I’m getting along. How about you?”

Her face dropped slightly. “I’m trying, but it’s been hard to move on. Losing Mum was hard enough, let alone what happened to Joshua.”

Harry remembered hearing about her family’s plight shortly after the war. Her had been murdered during their 6th year, forcing her to leave school. She returned the following year, needing to repeat that year, and lost her brother when he was tortured into a catatonic state by a Slytherin 7th year who was practicing the Cruciatus curse.

“I’m sorry Hannah. I never said it after everything, but I want you to know that I really am sorry.”

Hannah’s eyes began to water and before Harry had a chance to react, she launched herself at him and gave him a hug. He stiffened at the unexpected gesture, but eventually returned her hug. Afterwards she pulled back and gave him a watery smile, which Harry returns.

“Thanks Harry. I really appreciate it.”

He gives her a nod, moving to sit back down, when a gasp from behind him grabs his attention. Turning around, he sees Luna standing a few feet away, her eyes wide in shock. Initially, he thinks that it’s because she saw the hug between him and Hannah, which makes him feel guilty, even though he can’t think of a reason to right then and there. It takes a few seconds further for him to notice that Luna’s shocked expression isn’t directed at him, but at Hannah. Looking back at the brunette, he sees that Hannah has a sad smile on her face as she looks at Luna.

“Luna, about Joshua –”

“I have to go,” Luna said fearfully, before nearly sprinting out of the inn, followed by the loud crack of an apparition coming from just outside the door.

Harry was baffled by Luna’s sudden behavior. In all the time he’d known her, she’d always shown bravery that could rival any Gryffindor’s, so to see her flee at the mere sight of one of their school mates worried him.

“What was that about, Hannah?  And what does your brother have to do with it?”

She opened her mouth, ready to respond, before her mouth clamped shut once again, thinking better of it. “I think it would be better if you heard it from Luna. I made my peace with it a long time ago.”

Harry nodded his head in understanding, before pulling a few Galleons out of his pocket to pay for their meals, before quickly heading out the door. Whatever was going on with her, he knew that he needed to find Luna and quick. Deciding that Grimmauld Place was the best place to start, he apparated home to see if she was there.

Harry was starting to get worried.

He had checked Grimmauld Place but found no trace of Luna there. He then checked at her home in Ottery St. Catchpole, before heading over to the Burrow to do the same, but he still hadn’t found Luna. He even went as far as to check Hogsmeade and a few other places around Wizarding Britain but to no avail.

With no other idea of where to look, Harry returned to home, and went to the sitting room, hoping to come up with some idea of where Luna had run off to. He poured himself a small drink, bringing the glass up to his lips, but hesitated before taking sip, his eyes falling on the liquid inside, before finally placing it onto a nearby table. He rubbed his face in discomfort, hoping that the quiet of his godfather’s house would give him an answer.

His mind returned to the scene in the Leaky Cauldron, how Luna had seemed afraid of seeing Hannah, before taking off. Obviously, Luna was still trying to heal from something, making Harry mentally kick himself for forgetting that he wasn’t the only one whose had trouble healing after war. It was the whole reason that Luna had come to live with him in the first place.

Suddenly, it was like a bolt of lightning gave life to the cogs inside his brain, as Harry put the pieces together. It was so simple now that he thought about, forcing him to curse himself for not figuring it out immediately. Springing from his seat, he didn’t even bother exiting his house before apparating to where he knew he would find Luna. Once he got his bearing, Harry peered at the abandoned store front of Purge and Dowse, before striding forward into one of the windows of the store, and into St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

He strode up to the front desk, where the attending nurse was trying her best to look busy while not paying attention. She finally looked up as Harry neared the desk, her eyes widening comically once she realized who he was, standing up abruptly, which in turn knocked her chair over and sent the paper she was absent mindedly playing with scattered across the ground.

“You’re…you’re Harry Potter,” she deadpanned, making Harry scowl at her, which only served to make her look even more anxious before she finally asked, “What c-can I do for you Har- I…I mean Mr. Potter?”

“I’m looking for Xenophilius Lovegood.”

She quickly began trying to sift through the papers scattered across the floor, for a few moments, long enough for Harry’s already tried patience to give out, waving his wand and making the papers fly back to their original position on her desk. The nurse made a startled squeak when the papers flew off the ground, uttering countless apologies when she realized that he had done it, before hurriedly searching the pile on her desk.

“Here it is. He’s in Rom 319 Mr. Potter.”

He managed a quick thank you before he briskly walked towards the lifts to get to the 4th floor. During his journey, many of the hospital’s staff and patience would double-take at the sight of him, before hastily getting out of his way when they saw the distressed look on his face. He internally sighed at the difference between people’s reactions to him here compared to earlier in the day. He finally made it to the designated room, he paused at the scene he found inside.

Luna was sat at her father’s bedside, holding one of his hands, whispering something that Harry couldn’t hear. A quick glance at her father’s sleeping form told Harry that he was still recovering from his night terrors, it looked like he was getting more sleep than he had, but judging by his pale complexion, it still wasn’t enough. Luna herself wasn’t a picture of perfect health either, tear tracks prominent on her face along with a slight shake to her arms.

Harry slowly approached, not wanting to interrupt the father-daughter moment, but as he drew nearer, Luna’s head slowly turned his way, allowing him to see that more tears were threatening to fall. He opened his arms a fraction, and waited with baited breath, until Luna finally got up and wrapped him in a gentle hug. They stood there for several minutes, her quietly sobbing into his chest, while he rubbed soothing circles on her back.

He didn’t know how long they stood there until he heard her muffled voice say, “Let’s go home.” He escorted her out of the room, his arm across her shoulders as she leaned into him, using him for support until they made it to the Apparition area and apparated back home.

After making a cup of tea, the two of them sat on the couch in the sitting room, Luna still leaning against him as they stared at the fireplace for several minutes. They sat in silence, neither knowing how to begin the conversation that they both knew needed to take place, but neither knowing how to properly broach it. It was Luna who finally decided to break the silence.

“After the Death Eaters took over Hogwarts,” she began, “Ginny, Neville, and I brought back the DA and did our best to try and protect everyone we could. Around Halloween I saved a third year from being attacked by a group of older Slytherins. He was Joshua, Hannah’s brother.” Harry simply nodded. He had figured that whatever happened involved Joshua Abbot from what Hannah had said, but he still didn’t know what it all meant. “After I saved him, he joined the DA and would patrol with me to help protect the some of the younger students. He became something of a younger brother to me.”

Harry waited for her to continue but she remained silent and when he glanced down at her, her eyes were closed, and she was taking a few calming breathes before finally continuing.

“And then I got captured. I wanted to go home to see my dad, though I knew it was safer to stay at Hogwarts. They pulled me from the train and I was kept at Malfoy Manor until you rescued me.” She turned her face upwards and looked Harry in the eyes, her face only inches from his. Normally he would be uncomfortable with this amount of closeness, but his mind took in their closeness, but he chased those thoughts away so that he could comfort her. “When I returned to Hogwarts, I found out that Josh had tried to save some First years by himself and got tortured for it.”

The defenses Luna had but around her emotions suddenly broke, as she buried her face into his chest, and Harry tightened his arms around her.

“I-I wasn’t there…and they drove him insane because of it.”

Finally, the truth had come out. He finally understood why Luna was so set on him not himself for those who were lost during the war. Luna blamed herself for Josh’s fate, and was helping him heal, in hopes that it helped her heal. His heart broke for her, his hand moved unconsciously to her cheek and forced her to look up at him.

“Listen to me Luna,” he felt her head nod imperceptibly, her eyes seemingly captivated by his own. “It wasn’t your fault. You are one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. There’s no doubt in my mind that if you could’ve, you would’ve saved him.”

She kept silent but maintained their intense stare for several moments before she replied shakily, “I’m not sure if I can believe that.”

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest, as he summoned every ounce of conviction he could before replying, “but I do.”

The look in Luna’s eyes as she continued to stare into his own not only conveyed that she was grateful for his words but that she truly wanted to believe everything that he said. Harry could tell that this was a pivotal point in their relationship, and he was glad she was able to open up to him in such a way. They had both been there for one another when no one else was able to be, and for that, he was eternally grateful.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice that Luna’s face was slowly moving closer to his own, nor that his was as well. There was a flicker of something deep and affectionate in her eyes that made his mouth go dry. His eyes unconsciously dropped to her lips, his mouth suddenly feeling dry forcing him to swallow.

Her eyes closed, and her lips parted as their lips were a mere breath away from each other, but he immediately thought of Ginny and felt a momentary flash of guilty about possibly betraying her. He forced those thoughts away, mostly due to Ginny basically telling him not to wait on her, but also because he felt it wrong to think about her in his current situation with Luna. With a sense of finality, he too closed his eyes and crossed the last bit of distance between them.

His senses were bombarded by the scent of a forest and the sweet taste of her lips. Her lips were incredibly smooth, the sincerity and the innocence of the kiss made him feel light, the need to be close to the women in front of him becoming overwhelming. The hand on her cheek moved to the back of her head as his other wound around her waist, pulling her in, as her one traveled up his arms and wound themselves into his unruly hair. As the kiss deepened and the two slowly leaned onto the back of the couch for support, Harry couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, everything would end up alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, long time no see. Sorry about the long wait between updates. School’s been getting hectic as the end of the semester has gone on, but on top of that, this was a hard chapter to write. When I first had the idea for this chapter I knew it was going to be a big one so I wanted to make sure I did the best job I could. With school ending in a month, hopefully I’ll be able to dedicate more time to writing going forward.  
> As always, thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 6

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

The feeling of déjà vu would’ve made Harry chuckle if the reason for it wasn’t such a serious situation. He looked next to him to see Luna looking ready to flee at a moment’s notice, a state he wasn’t used to seeing her in. The fact that, just a few short months ago, they were in a comparable situation, wasn’t lost on him either. Luna had been supportive of him, helping him back out into the world, only made his resolve to be supportive of her that much stronger.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing her hand, forcing her attention away from the house in front of him and onto him. He noticed that her eyes were wide in a way that wasn’t in her usual ethereal way, but in fear. “You can do this. You helped me realize that I couldn’t hide away from my problems, I’m not going to let you hide from this.”

Without hesitation, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly, feeling some of the tension leave her body, though he could tell that some of it was still there. Even though this…whatever it was, had been going on for almost 9 weeks, he still occasionally felt shocked at the current nature of their relationship.

When they finally separated, Harry opened his eyes first, seeing Luna smile with her eyes still closed. With a deep breath, she opened her eyes and met his gaze. He had yet to put a label to what was going on between them because he didn’t exactly understand it himself. They both found comfort in the physical aspect of their relationship, but he couldn’t deny that a deep connection had formed between the two of them. Was it romantic, he didn’t know. He still thought about Ginny often but recently he had started to think about Luna as much.

With a nod, she turned back towards the house in front of her and took the first few tentative steps towards the front door, as Harry looked on from the curb. She needed to do this by herself, she needed to face this alone, but she had confided that Harry’s presence was all the support she needed.

Rapping three times on the door, Harry waited with bated breath for the moment of truth. After several moments, the door opened to reveal Hannah Abbott.

“Luna?”

She hesitates, Harry notices her body imperceptibly stiffen as her fear threatens to overtake her.

“Can I come in?”

Though initially caught off-guard, Hannah recovers, nodding as she opens the door wider and letting Luna inside. The former Ravenclaw stepped through the threshold, not before casting one more look back at Harry, who gives her a reassuring smile before the door shuts behind her.

Luna was on her own now, but if Harry had learned anything over these past few months of living together, Luna was strong, and she would make it through this.

His presence no longer required, Harry turns and makes his way down the rest of the streets, one destination in mind, the graveyard. As he walks through the small village, he notices that the streets seem busier than he would expect for a small wizarding village, until he remembers what date is was.

May 2nd, 2000. The 2nd anniversary of Voldemort’s defeat.

People flocked to the village to see the historic site and to honor the sacrifice of James and Lily Potter. Harry watched as every person approached the house for a few minutes, left flowers near the sign at the front gate, before walking away and apparating. On one hand, Harry felt grateful for all the support and the kind gestures from the crowd. He also felt resentment in equal measure, bitter that while they all claimed that they wanted to pay their respects, not one person had yet to venture further down the street and visit the graves to honor his parents’ sacrifice. Harry was angry at first, until Luna explained that most people didn’t truly understand what that night had cost Harry, only that their sacrifice ended the war. This did little to temper his distaste, but he understood.

Figuring he put it off long enough, he pulled his eyes away from the ever-changing crowd and walked towards his parents’ graves. He walked past the rows of tombstones, taking a passing notice at the ones marked Dumbledore and Peverell, before he finally stood I front of the two marked Lily and James Potter. There were flowers already adorning them, making Harry feel guilty that he hadn’t brought any himself.

“Hey Mum. Dad. It’s been a while.” It was true. The last time he had been to visit their graves was before he was let off the Auror force. His life was falling apart, and he felt that he was a disgrace to their memory, thus he never visited. His time with Luna had shown him that that wasn’t true and now he only felt ashamed that he had let his own lack of self-worth keep him away.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long since I visited. I…had some things to work through.” He was struggling to find the right words to say. Intellectually, he knew that he wasn’t talking to them, but after the incident with the Resurrection Stone, he felt that they would hear him none-the-less. “Things have been getting better. I know that your deaths weren’t my fault. Neither was Sirius, or Cedric, or George, or Remus, or any of them. I knew it in here,” he pointed to his head, before his finger trailed down to his chest, “but I couldn’t convince myself here.”

He looked away from their graves and looked over the tops of the nearby trees, taking in the sight of the afternoon sky. He was finding it difficult to find the right words.

“Luna’s to thank for that. She’s helped knock some sense back into me, and she’s been helping me through a lot. I don’t think I’d be here right now if it wasn’t for her.” He wasn’t sure what compelled him to talk about Luna, but it felt right to tell them about her and all she did for him. “You guys would’ve liked her. She might be a little odd but she’s one the smartest strongest witches I’ve ever met.”

He continued to talk to his parents’ graves, saying anything that came to mind in his attempt to make up for lost time. He wasn’t sure how long he was there for, until he eventually felt a tickle along his palm, followed by a hand clasping his. Harry didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“I didn’t come back here for so long because I thought I was tarnishing their memory. Turns out I was doing it by blaming myself and shutting myself away.”

“They’d be proud of you Harry. Few people could go through what you did and live through it.”

Luna moved further into Harry’s side and hugged him lightly as the two of them stood in companionable silence. He finally turned his head towards Luna and noticed that she looked more at ease than she had all day, which he hoped was a good sign.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” was her briefly reply, but at his continued stare, she finally pressed on. “The moment I sat down to talk with Hannah and her family, I told them I was sorry about what happened to Joshua, sorry that I couldn’t save them. They say anything at first, I almost ran away thinking that they hated me before Hannah gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to be sorry for. They even thanked me for being there with him when I was., even though I’m not sure I deserve it.”

One of Harry’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her tighter. He understood what she was saying. He still found it easy to blame himself for all the death’s that happened during the war. He was getting better about it, especially with the help of the Weasleys, Hermione, and especially Luna, but he still had a long way to go before the guilt would completely dissipate.

“Maybe we’ll never completely be able to go back to how things were, but we can always get better.” He wasn’t sure where those words came from, but the words felt right. The guilt might never go away, but they only thing they could do was go forward.

They stayed for a few minutes longer, until Luna broke the silence by asking, “Do we have to go?”

“Hey”, said Harry as he turned her until she was directly in front of her. “I’ll be there with you the whole way.” Luna looked like she was ready to flee, but allowed Harry to take her hand, before he apparated them to St. Mungo’s.

Luna reluctantly stood in the middle of the waiting room as Harry approached the witch at the front desk, which Harry recognized as the same woman that was there on his last visit.

“Excuse me?”

The woman looked up from her magazine, her eyes widened much like they had the last time, but she quickly recovered.

“Mr. Potter. What can I do for you today?”

“I’m looking for the room number for a Joshua Abbot.”

Her hands moved to a scroll which Harry could only assume was the list of patients, her finger trailing the paper as she searched for the room.

“He’s in room 119.”

Soon, they were moving through the endless sterile halls of the hospital, until they ended up in the Permanent Spell Damage Ward. Much of the doors lining the hallway were open allowing Harry and Luna to get passing glances at the various patients occupying the ward. Werewolf bite victims, potion accidents, unforgivable curse exposure, and others were all being treated as they walked the hall until they eventually ended up at room 119.

The room had only one occupant, which if it wasn’t for the fact that they already knew this was Joshua’s room, the striking resemblance to his sister and the rest of his family was enough to give him away. Harry remembered seeing him a few times at school but had regrettably never interacted with him much during their school years together. He would’ve thought that Josh was dead if it wasn’t for the occasional rise and fall of his chest.

The sight of the former Hufflepuff caused Luna to freeze only a few feet into the room. She took a single backwards step, like she was ready to take off, but Harry quickly grabbed her hand to stop her. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before squeezing Harry’s hand in thanks before she cautiously stepped towards a chair next to the hospital bed. She moved slowly as if she was afraid that she would disturb Joshua and cause him physical harm.

When they got next to the bed Luna sat at the closest chair and sat with her hands fidgeting on her knees, not knowing what she should be doing. She had previously confided that she didn’t know what she would do if she ever found the courage to visit Hannah’s brother, which seemed t still be true as her eyes flitted from Harry to the unconscious wizard between them, searching for an answer to her problem. Knowing that Luna needed him now, he placed a hand on Luna’s shoulder, and when she looked up at him, he quietly said, “You can do this,” before stepping back and taking a seat in the corner of the room.

Slowly Luna reached out and took ahold of Joshua’s right hand, shivering at how cold she found his hand. Her thumb traced along the back of his hand as she looked at his sleeping face.

Finally, she spoke.

“Hey Josh,” she paused, her voice heavy with emotion and her eyes began to water. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to visit you. I had – _have_ , a lot of things that I’ve needed to figure out, but I figured it was time.” Another paused as she took another watery breath.

“I brought a friend with me. It’s Harry Potter,” she turned to Harry, eyes watery and a small smile on her face. Oddly enough, Harry thought she never looked more beautiful. “Remember when I said you could meet him once all the fighting was done. I kept my promise.”

The memories seemed to finally get the better of her, forcing a sob past her lips, her composure completely lost.

“I’m sorry Josh, about everything. I’m sorry about what happened to you. About leaving. I’m sorry for not being there for you.”

She continued to cry for a few moments, her pain so palpable that Harry almost rushed over to comfort her, but movement on the hospital bed caught both of their attention. Joshua shifted restlessly for a few seconds before his eyes slowly opened. He scanned the room for a bit before his gaze finally fell onto Luna. Harry watched in rapt attention as the young wizard seemed puzzled by Luna. He knew that Joshua’s condition wasn’t nearly as bad as Neville’s parents, but he had found out through a few letters from Hannah that he did occasionally seem to remember his family, but most of the time he was left unable to properly function.

Out of nowhere, Luna gasped her gaze dropping to the hand that was holding Joshua’s.

“I felt him squeeze my hand!” she said excitedly. She pulled her chair closer, so close her knees were touching the bed. “Josh?”

The boy in question moved for a few more minutes but sooner than either would like it, he returned to his immobile state. Her shoulders sagged when she realized that that was the closest thing she was going to get to a reaction from him, but when her head came back up, she had a small insecure smile on her face.

“I know that what happened wasn’t my fault, maybe the guilt won’t completely go away. It’s something I’ll have to work on every day.” She squeezed Josh’s hand, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “I can’t know for sure if you’ve understood anything I’ve been saying or if you knew you were squeezing my hand, but I believe you did, and maybe that’s enough.”

Harry felt pride well up inside him when he realized that she had taken his graveside confession to heart. He knew that Luna was strong but today was about facing her fears, something Harry himself had had a mixed relationship with, and despite himself, he was astounded at how much courage she showed being there that day. Silently, he got up out of his seat to stand next to her, clasping her hand in his and dropping a kiss onto her head, as he watched her continue to talk to Joshua.

Harry had just finished the letter that he had been writing, signing his name on the bottom. The letter’s contents were a big deal, something that Harry finally felt that he was ready to do. It had been months since he had been suspended from the Auror Corps, and he’s finally gotten to a place where he feels like he could pass their psych evaluation and return to the field. Plus, he’s managed to put away some of the demons that had been plaguing him for the last few years.

“Are you sure about this?”

He turned in his chair towards the entrance to his office and found Luna leaning against the doorframe. Her hair was puled back into a loose ponytail and she was wearing a flowery sundress.

“It’s what I’m meant to do Luna,” he said as he stood up and walked towards the center of the room. She too went to the center of the room until she was standing directly in front of him.

“But what if you go back to how you were?”

“Luna, I’m fine. It’s not goin-”

“You don’t know that. What if being an Auror again means you’ll fall back into old habits? I don’t want that to happen to you again?” Her last words were a near silent whisper, her emotions almost overcoming her. Harry erased the space between them, one hand wrapping around her waist while the other went to her cheek, her hands laying flat on his chest.

“I promise you Luna, I’m not gonna let that happen. Ever.”

Her pleading eyes continued to peer into his, looking for any crack in his resolve or falsehood in his eyes. When she found none, she let out a big breath, before she pulled him by the collar into a toe-curling kiss. His arms instinctively tightened around her, one around her back, the other traveling to the back of her head, while hers tangled into his hair. Their lips and tongues battle for dominance as Harry slowly backed her towards his desk, his hands moving to help lift her on top of it when they heard someone apparating near the entrance to the house.

“Hello?” came a familiar voice that caused the two of them to jump apart, followed by the two of them moving quickly through the house until they came upon someone that they hadn’t expected to see.

“Ginny?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, this just seemed like a good place to leave this chapter, especially with what I have planned for the next chapter.  
> This one’s all about healing. I wanted to show Harry and Luna both facing people and situations that represent all the pain and guilt that they’re going through while trying to make the future seem hopeful.  
> Next chapter will be the end of what I’m calling part 1 of this story. After that, I’m going to take a break from this story to try and finish both “Knowledge and Power” and Negative Regression”, as well as get a head start on a few other stories I’ve been thinking about. Hopefully it won’t be too long of a break before I can start on part 2.  
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is going to be a H/G and H/L but it won't be a tri-pairing. My inspirations for the story are "His Last Lesson" by: Romantic Silence and "The Ties That Bind" by: ExcalibursZone. I expect that this story will be around 10 chapters long and the chapters will most likely be longer than this one.
> 
> My goal is to try to have this story be original, yet still be canon compliant, but we'll see as time goes on.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


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